Category Archives: art/bouldering research

training…second week, home and away

In the second week of this programme and each session has involved dealing with a sensation that can only be described as mild nausea. I remember this feeling, years ago when I ‘trained’, now its clear that for years I have only been putting effort into the things that I enjoyed. For example, hanging off and moving on small holds I like, thus I do lots of it and think I’m training. This last couple of weeks I have been doing  amongst other awful exercises; ‘planks’, they are horrible, what is their to enjoy from passing from fatigue to feeling sick, heart pounding, red in the face and vibrating from head to toe, basically nothing.

patient

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It’s difficult to describe the last few months, dislocation from previous life, removal of old context go some way to explaining my current state of mind and life. A sense of content adriftness, an alienation that is both sweet and consuming. The projects of house renovation, something I never took to seriously, stutter on, bit by bit and love has entered my life, the house is now a home.

I think about art and creativity, but find little time or inclination. I meditated on this subject as I sharpened an axe. Squat on the floor, semi dark, an incantation of sound and material, I thought of performance, I thought of ritual and I thought of all the contrived actions of that world. Today my performance is real, as the action and ritual slowly possess me. My boredom threshold is extending, as I sharpened the axe, I found myself enjoying the rhythm of steel on stone,  I wasn’t impatient, I kept at it…durational.

John Berger died this week. I think of him as I walk in our wood. I look at the woodpiles I have made, the collections of twigs, the lean-to of larger branches, the cut grass, and the embers of a fire.

I stand and stare, absently, often, then I begin work again.